The Second Time

One bit of wisdom that stuck with me from one of the numerous parenting books I read when pregnant with Willa went something like this: your new baby should join and/or fit into the life you already live, your life should not stop and revolve around your new baby. I think Jamey and I did a decent job of taking this to heart, but of course things change drastically when a new person enters your family. While I wouldn't say we redirected the sun to rise and set on the face of Willa, I would say she has become our true north.

There's nothing like a baby to shake things up. With #2, there seems to be very little choice but to fit him into the already established order of our universe. Teeth need to be brushed, bedtime stories read, lunches packed and stories created. Cam graciously fits into the spaces between.

I often wonder what he's missing. I remember the bedtime routine we had with Willa, even as a newborn. One of us would rock her with the last bottle, and the other would read long stories from a story book or Dr. Suess picture book. Does "second-hand" reading count when Cam sits in on Willa's bedtime chapter books?

There was so much thought and preparing for Willa's arrival. I read countless books on pregnancy, parenting, feeding and sleeping. I researched diapers and formula and car seats and strollers. We had seven different baby name books. I wrote an entire journal full of thoughts and letters to my unborn child. I made none of these preparations for Cam. It's like there was an open space in the puzzle and we didn't have to look twice to know he was the part that fit.

I took a picture of Willa in the same spot every day for the first 30 days of her life, just so I could see how much she changed and grew every day. I take pictures of Cam when Willa says "take a picture of me holding my brother like this."

Then I have to think about the yin to this yang. What has Cam gained by being second? First, he's gained a much calmer and more confident set of parents. We called our pediatrician, Dr. Judy, every day the first week we had Willa home. We brought the finger nail clippers to our two-week appointment with her because we were afraid to clip her nails. We've already trimmed Cam's nails several times. We know we can't "break" Cam or permanently wreck him if we let him cry a little. We know he's OK even if he spits up a little. We don't panic if he fails to poop every day.

Cam gets the benefit of Willa. He's so lucky to be the recipient of her special songs and stories and affections. She reads to him and it melts my heart. She makes plans for him and predicts their future and wishes it would be OK for her to marry him some day, but if they can't get married, at least they'll live together forever.

Cam gets our lessons learned from the first round - although I often wonder if we've learned anything that would make us change the way we do things. For now, I've decided not to worry about it.