Buffer Generation

My mom called yesterday on the way to visit my gramma in the nursing home. "Gramma's not doing so well" she said. My gramma is 96 years old and has lived in a nursing home in Tyndall for four or five years now, and it's been a steady decline. Most recently she has simply stopped eating.

She had a 'dip' last summer, too and I told Willa about it. I told her that Great Gramma Fathke's body was giving out on her; that she'd had a very long and a very good life and that now her body was just worn out. Willa wanted to know if she was going to die, and I said "She will, but I don't know when. Her body is really old and I don't think she'll live much longer." Willa wanted to know if she was a hundred (a big number she was familiar with), and I said "almost." I told Willa I'd be sad to have my gramma die, but that I was happy that she lived for so long and that I got to be with her for so long. I told her I was happy that she got know her great gramma, because not too many people do.

Steve and I took our kids to see her last April. It turned into a really nice visit, my cousin Brian and Uncle Don were driving through, and my other aunts, uncles and cousins all stopped by, too. Gramma was with it for most of the day, although I'm sure she didn't know who Willa, Jessen and Garrett were. I can't admit that she most likely couldn't place me, either. I'm glad we went, though.

I'm realistic enough to know that her mind and body are almost gone. It's painful to see her this way, especially because she had once been such a strong woman, both physically and mentally. My mom says she sleeps alot, and no longer even drinks coffee, so I know she's not there. Coffee was the sixth food group for her and my grampa as they worked their farm.

When she's gone it will just be my parents generation before me. I can't quite explain my feelings without sounding cold or irrational, but having Gramma Fathke around means there's one more generation before my parents. I don't have to face their aging because she's still here, and she's the focus. When she dies, it will make me think of my mom and my dad's mortality, and I am just not ready to be thinking those thoughts. So, for now, I'll think about these things:
*my parents are healthy and they're health-conscious: they go to the gym, they eat well;
*my gramma is still plugging away there - maybe not really there, but there. I'll celebrate her life and tell Willa & Cam stories about their strong, kind great-gramma. I'll tell them I hope I can be just like her - I never heard her say 'won't work' or 'can't' or 'don't try' - she just did it.